Thursday with Tears, Hope and Therapy

I hate where my current WIP is right now. I want to cry. I just can’t seem to get a handle on any of this right now. Nothing is going right. My internal dialogue is crummy. My characters are inconsistent. Three of my characters are BASICALLY THE SAME. The plots are spiraling out of control. I have no idea how I’m going to get from point A to point Z. I really wished I planned this out instead of pantsed it. I can look at a page and just not have a word to say.

I know that sounds super melodramatic, but I just wish it was better.

I love my story. When I started everything was going so well. The conflict was there. My characters’ voices were really pulling though. I would even cry in some of my scenes because I was even surprised what my characters decide.

Now I can’t find any of that.

I’m in The Middle. I’ve heard a ton of people talk about how horrible the middle is, but I didn’t really get it until right now.

I want to finish my story. I want to be proud of my story. I want to write something amazing.

I just can’t get myself to write this story.

There is another story that wants to push their way into my heart. I shouldn't say things like that right? I just can't help it.

It’s killing me inside since this new story is so heartbreaking. I haven’t even gotten inside my characters’ heads yet, but the premise already makes me want to cry (for them not because it sucks so much that even ice cream couldn't help me like my current WIP). My two MC’s motivations are so strong. It’s a harder book. There are a lot of sad things that happen, but I feel like it is a story that needs to be told. I once read that one day we are all going to die, and our ideas will die with us. We need to tell the stories that we need to tell before then. This is one of those stories.

Sounds pretty magical right? Finding the story that you think needs to be written, but it might just be another SNI. It seems like the brightest star in my mind, but the thing about stars is most of them are already burnt out.

I was read relationship advice saying

"If you can’t choose between two people, choose the second person because if you truly loved the first person you never would have noticed the second person."

I don’t think this applies to writers. We can’t always choose the second idea because there will always be that second idea. If we keep falling for the second idea, we will never write The Idea. The Idea is our writing soulmate.

In Natasha Bedingfield’s song Soulmate, she sings,

“Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line”

I think that’s the writer’s circle of life. We are all trying to find that perfect story. I mean look at all the published authors out there. They found their perfect story, but why can’t I?

My current WIP might be my writing soulmate. It might, or it might not. I need to finish it. I can NOT give up. I will not let myself even if it’s horrible. It is horrible, but it’s just the first draft. I think I’m gonna just take the week off from writing and just relax. I’ve set a word count for myself to make sure I actually write, but I think that’s been taking the adventure out of writing. The rest of the week will just be for me to get back on track (plan and stuff without the pressure of finishing my word count). Back to loving this idea 100% because love can make anything horrible turn into something amazing.

For now, I’m saving my SNI idea away and seeing how my current WIP turns out.

It might be The Idea.
It might be my writing soulmate.
It might.

I know this wasn’t advice or anything. This was kinda like my therapy to help me decide what to do, but I hope someone reads this and understands.

You will find The Idea.

I have no doubt.