I don't tell people I'm a writer. Nobody really knows. I think a lot of people kinda suspect, but I'm not like "hi I'm a writer let's be friends." I'm not ashamed or don't trust my mom and family/ friends. It's actually the opposite. I know a lot of super supportive people, and I just don't want the expectation people put on me once they find out.
I know having people know you write can be a great motivation like your own personal cheerleader, but I never felt that way.
I felt like if I didn't have something amazing written, I was letting them down. I felt like everyone expected my to automatically be like J.K. Rowling on the first draft. I felt like people expect me to be more than I am.
Maybe it's because I don't know where I stand in the writing world. I don't know if I want to an author when I grow up. I'm still a teenager, and I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I started "seriously" writing 2 years ago. I can't imagine a future where I don't feel the itch to escape into my characters' worlds. I think I'll always write, but I don't know if I'll ever publish or make writing into a real thing. Sure I might try to publish if I felt what I wrote would be something I loved, but that's not my ultimate goal.
Alysha Speer said,
“I choose to write because it’s perfect for me. It’s an escape, a place I can go to hide. It’s a friend, when I feel outcasted from everyone else. It’s a journal, when the only story I can tell is my own. It’s a book, when I need to be somewhere else. It’s control, when I feel so out of control. It’s healing, when everything seems pretty messed up. And it’s fun, when life is just flat-out boring."
That's how I feel. I write because I love it not because I want to famous and amazing like J.K. Rowling (though I wouldn't exactly complain).
I feel like if I told people I write that I would be giving up that secret world of mine. People would ask me to make them into characters, want to read my not-so-amazing stories or just ruin my perfect bubble of writing. I'm afraid of losing my love for writing. I think people pressuring me to write would cause writing to be a chore not an escape.
I want to stay in my writing bubble.
Maybe you tell everyone that you're a writer, and your writing is better than ever. I just don't think it's for me. Maybe one day I'll tell everyone, but for now I want to write just to write.
Do people know you're a writer? How do you feel about telling people you are a writer? What are your fears as a writer?
People know I'm a writer. Oh yes, they know I'm a writer. XD A writer's just about all I am, so... It would be very hard for me, personally, to hide.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I totally get where you're coming from about pressures.
I had a classmate kinda-force me into a 'deal' where if I make a million dollars someday, I have to give him a thousand. For a while my parents joked about me buying them a lakehouse when I'm a famous author.
And knowing how rarely-stable the financials of writing are... XD Yeah.
Then, just tonight, I've had a friend on Facebook beg me to let her read my WIP, since she read part of an earlier draft and wants to read the rest. It's not up to MY standards yet, let alone anyone else's, but... She is persistent.
So, yeah. I get where you're coming from in terms of 'pressure'. But at the same time, I can't imagine keeping that part of me a secret. It's too big a part of me, for me to hide it. ^^
It's definitely a challenge for not to rant about my writing to the unsuspecting people of the world. I am working on the whole "I'm a writer" thing by posting on YaLit Six, so some people know kinda. Maybe one day I'll get to rant about my writing.
DeleteI think it's awesome how you let everyone know you're a writer, and I hope the pressure don't get to hectic. :)
Thanks for commenting :) (sorry I clicked "publish" too early)
DeleteWhen people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd mumble something and walk away quickly. I didn't want to tell anyone I was going to be a writer, for all the reasons you gave in your post.
ReplyDeleteThen, a few years back, I was working nightshift in a gas station and after all my work was done, I would write on my laptop. This kid that I'd gotten to know quite well walked in and asked if I was doing homework. I took a deep breath and told him I was working on my WIP. I mean, if I don't own up to who I am, how can I convince people I'm the real deal?
Right away his friendly smile turned mocking and he asked whether I'd ever published anything. Told him no, not yet, but I'm working on it. He laughed and told me there was no surprise: I didn't look like someone who had something interesting to say.
I gouged his eyes out.
Well, no. But it was tempting. He hurt my feelings, a perfect stranger who decided to smack me down. But I stand by my decision anyway. I do tell people now that I'm a writer in progress and to keep a look out for my name :)
I don't know if I'd have the self restraint you did, so for that alone you deserve a round of applause and possibly a fruit basket. I am so sorry you had to deal with that though. I think that's an absolutely horrible think to say, but I find it so amazing that you had something like that happen and still tell people. So cue second round of applause.
DeleteAnd a third round of applause for being a writer cause that alone makes everyone awesome :)
Thanks for commenting :)
I totally relate. People know I'm a writer, but I usually only talk about writing my my one or two good friends who are writers too, or people in my family who write. When you tell people you want to be a writer, you get smirks and laughs and "that's not a real job." I don't like being told that what I love isn't real, or getting lectured about how I should have more realistic career goals. I've met myself, and don't feel it's realistic to expect me to a.) work with people or b.) work in an office 24/7. I would be awful at it.
ReplyDeleteAnd when you let people know you're a writer, they either don't care, which kind of stings, or they want to read everything you've EVER written. There are one or two people I trust to be my beta readers, but I had a bad experience sharing my work with some friends a few years back. That being said, I've started sharing more of my writing lately. I post stuff on my blog and sometimes share things on facebook.
Anyone who knows me remotely well knows I'm a writer, but there used to be a time when I didn't like talking about it. I still don't like people asking lots of questions about my WIP. But sometimes I can't stop talking about it and force people to listen. And I hate people trying to read what I'm writing when I'm working on something. I hate it soooo much.
I have a great-grandfather who apparently published westerns back in the 70s who I've never met him who might understand how awesome writing is, but I don't really know that many writers outside of the blogging world.
DeleteAn even though people don't consider writing "a real job", I think it's the best job. I might be biased though.
I hope the best for your writing.
Thanks for commenting :)
Not in real life. Yay for online pseudonyms. Nobody in my real life except for my mother and she's... not the most supportive person in the world.
ReplyDeleteI have two other jobs and neither of them are conventional 'cause the 9-5 thing will not work for me (which is why I nearly went insane in high school...) and also I don't have the qualifications for an office job XD
But, yeah, I don't talk about it in real life much. Although occasionally I'll be talking to my boss at the library and she'll say something about publishing and I'll want SO MUCH to go off on a rant... but she's older and a bit out of date so I go easy on her :P On the odder side of things, she told me I should write picture books. (I do Storytime.)
Oh and I used to write in code at school because I was paranoid XD
I'm sorry your mom isn't the most supportive, and I hope she sees how amazing your writing is.
DeleteI want to rant so much to people about writing stuff. It takes so much restraint to hold it all in.
I still write in code :3 I am so worried someone will peek over my shoulder and think I'm writing a diary or something about the typical YA novel material (love, violence, the occasional paranormal creature).
Thanks for the comment :)
*butts into the conversation*
DeleteWant to talk about being paranoid? I never pick my nose, or scratch anything I shouldn't be scratching in public, (or anything else that's just plain weird to do) just in case someone sees me, and remembers it when I get published. Seriously.
I remember when I was looking through my friend's FB pictures and thinking that I wouldn't have put any of those online, because she's an author and I wouldn't want my readers to see me drunk. WHo knows? Maybe they'd LIKE those pictures, because they get to see she can have a good time? *Sigh* I overthink too much....lol
Jewels: I do write the typical novel material (love, violence, the occasional paranormal creature), I'm just not in school anymore XD
DeleteTanya: That is hilarious XD But I honestly don't think I'd put drunk pictures of me online anyways. I don't need ANYBODY seeing that. Never mind that I don't drink :P