Person 1: Yadayada
Person 2: Yahblooh
Person 1: Blosh!
Person 2: Bloshblosh.
vs.
"Yadayada," P1 said.
"Yablooh," P2 agreed.
"Blosh!"
"Bloshblosh," P2 added.
I think there are advantages and disadvantages to both. However, do the disadvantages to list-dialogue carry more weight than the advantages? Dialogue tags often add action and description that create the setting or introduce character traits about the two in the conversation. But if the setting and characters are already well established, or if the descriptions could be worked into the dialogue itself, would the list be more effective?
I found a short conversation in one of my old stories. Here it is in both formats.
Tags:
And without tags:“What is so urgent?” Henry asks, falling into step beside me. We enter the store, and cool AC washes over me.
“Ah…look at that bottle. Zombie repellant. Only one dollar,” I say unconvincingly.
“The only effective Zombie repellant is a large shotgun and quick feet,” Henry corrects, successfully distracted.
“The stuff here is weird,” I observe for probably the millionth time.
“And useless.” Henry bends over to examine the zombie repellant, and next to it, a crystal ball. “This isn’t even real crystal, or glass.”
“I think it’s supposed to be a snow globe.”
“No, it says crystal ball. Besides what use is a snow globe?”
“I’ll let you ponder that.” I move away and try to find Grandma. She finds me instead.
Henry: Oh no, this AC is freezing. I can feel my epidermis growing numb. Kristyn, what is so urgent?
Me: Ah…look at that bottle. Zombie repellant. Only one dollar.
Henry: The only effective Zombie repellant is a large shotgun and quick feet.
Me: Right. So apart from that, nothing urgent at all. The stuff here is weird.
Henry: And useless. This 'Crystal Ball' isn’t even real crystal, or glass.
Me: I think it’s supposed to be a snow globe.
Henry: No, it says crystal ball. Besides what use is a snow globe?
Me: I’ll let you ponder that.
So what do you think? Which works better for this conversation?
Kieryn
www.kierynnicolas.com
For me this is a no brainer. And the editor part of me agrees with the reader part. The list format is simply that, a list. It has no emotion, it has no action, it offers no connection to the characters. If you don't have connection, why would you want to read it?
ReplyDeleteAs for the first example, it is better, but is actually a little muddled with so many dialogue tags. If dialogue is written carefully and properly, it will compliment the action and narrative so that the excessive tags are not really necessary.
This is one of the reasons I rarely read first person and prefer third. In first person I often feel like the story is one-dimensional. Not always, but most of the time that is how I feel.
Karen Syed
http://klsyed.com
I think the first one but I also think I would need more detail about the situation prior to jumping into the conversation. I think background helps with no tags
ReplyDeleteI use the tags. Someone who I think does a great job without, and prob. because she sets up her characters so well, is Laurie Halse Anderson in Speak. My kids are thrown without the tags at first, but her characters have such strong "voice" she doesn't need anything. I think this talent. I still use tags because I am not quite at that level...(OK no where near that level)
I agree with Karen. The no tags style is fine for plays since we physically see the action, but it doesn't reveal enough setting and movement in book format.
ReplyDelete